When I started in D/s, it was with a checklist. I think that’s because if you’re both newbies, you might not know checklists are even a thing (but now you do!). This is a popular method for kinksters, especially if one of you is new to the lifestyle and other has some experience. That makes researching it harder later on. The downside to this method is that you’ll only see a fraction of the kinks and fetishes out there, and you might not know what something is called. This is a great way to see what something looks like and decide if you might be interested. How do you know what you like (or hate) if you don’t know what’s out there and available to choose from? You don’t know what you don’t know, right? Over the years, I’ve learned about new things in two ways (three if you count reading erotica and blogs): Trying to Figure Out What You (Might) Like Note: I wouldn’t suggest fucking on the ceiling – I don’t like heights. The limits thing goes both ways in D/s. But if he we do it, and he doesn’t like it, we don’t do it again. When I throw out a wild idea, he’ll usually say something like, “Let me think about it” or “We’ll see.” Sometimes I get a “Sure, why not?” kind of response. I might say, “Daddy, I think we should have sex while hanging upside down from ceiling like bats. Of course, John Brownstone has that right too. I reserve the right to make it a hard limit if it really bothers me.

Soft limits, from my perspective, are the things I’m unsure of but I’ll try at least once. And there’s a reason we focus on them – making someone do something they desperately don’t want to do is a violation and it shows a lack of consent (or even an understanding of the importance of consent).īut that’s not the only conversation you should have about limits. No judgement, y’all, but I admit I’ve wondered. What sounds so gross, disgusting, and horrible that we (kind of, sort of) wonder what might be wrong with people who do like it. We, as kinksters, focus on hard limits a lot. I think that’s probably a good lesson for life in general, but let’s stick with the kinky side of things for right now. The first thing, though, is to know your own limits and how far you’re willing to go. In one word, he knows how I feel about it. Sure, we joke and laugh about it, (and I might still do that vanilla thing later) but it’s a form of communication that works well for us. He knows if I throw a safeword out, even in a vanilla conversation, that I’m serious about not wanting to do something. And sometimes, we’re referencing something in our vanilla life.ĭo I want to drive to a busy international airport without him? Red.ĭo I want to walk into a crowd of strangers and randomly introduce myself? Red, red, red-dy, red-red.Ĭonversations about our limits (both hard and soft) permeate our entire life. The former helps internet users determine what color their vibe is and the latter mostly just reiterates a feminist concept which, should someone not be aware they’re actually gay, will help them figure it out.When John Brownstone asks me to do something I really don’t want to do, I’ll jokingly yell, “Red! Red! Red-dy, red-red!” (Red is my safeword, y’all.) He knows it means I don’t want to do it, and I really mean it. Other tests to find virality on the platform have recently included the color personality test and a test that purportedly helps women realize if they are secretly a lesbian. The test, which has been available online for years, has recently begun trending on TikTok as fans post pictures of their results and talk over them. The site then ranks the taker’s sexual qualities by percentage and tells them to what degree they’re, among other answers, a voyeur, submissive, vanilla, a brat, a sadist, an exhibitionist and a masochist. Statements include: “I prefer making the sexual decisions for my partner, as this gives me more control,” “I enjoy it when people watch me being naked or having sex” and “I would like to have sex with multiple people at the same time.” The questions are framed as a checklist of statements, which test takers rank on a scale of absolutely disagree to absolutely agree. The “fun and educational test” comes in two forms, a “short and simple test, with reasonable accuracy” for those who are only mildly interested in finding out how their risqueness shakes out, and a “maximum accuracy” version recommended for those “strongly into BDSM.” While many TikTok users are referring to the quiz as the “Kink Test,” it is formally called The BDSM Test and was founded in 2014 with the mission of helping “beginning kinksters determine which labels are or aren’t suitable for them.” TikTok has found yet another wacky “challenge,” but this time, it’s a personality test.Īn online questionnaire that offers takers a breakdown of their sexual type in exchange for a bit of personal information has been discovered by the short-form video platform.

Kink test checklist website